The Art of Listening - What Makes a Great Moderator

Edgardo de la Garza: Welcome back everyone. You’re listening to Moderating Life, DLG’s 20th anniversary podcast. I am Edgardo. 

Elvia de la Garza: And I’m Elvia, and today’s episode is really a personal one. It’s about the art of listening, what makes someone not just a good moderator, but a truly great one. 

Edgardo de la Garza: This one really hits home because yes, moderating, it’s all about asking questions, but more than anything, it’s about knowing when to be quiet, when to hold space, and when to make someone feel heard.

Elvia de la Garza: Over the years, I’ve realized that one of the most powerful tools we have as moderators is not the discussion guide, it’s the ability to adapt. Mm-hmm. How we ask questions. Yes. How we mirror someone’s energy. Um, you know, some people react, are more, react better to rational questions. Mm-hmm. Like what do you think others react better to or more visual and react better to, how do you see this or how do you understand that? So you really need to understand what’s the better way of framing your questions.

Edgardo de la Garza: Absolutely. Yeah, we always say research is about behavior, but it’s also about values. It’s understanding why someone behaves the way they do, not just what they buy, but what they believe, and that starts with listening. 

Elvia de la Garza: Exactly. And that’s why our warmups are so important. Mm-hmm. And matter so much. Um, it let us feel out who’s in the room. And I’m not talking demographics, I’m talking their vibe, their rhythm you know, the way they connect. 

Edgardo de la Garza: When I write a discussion guide, I imagine myself having a conversation with a consumer.

On one side of the table and with the client on the other side of the table. I admire colleagues that they can write a one page discussion guide with just some verbal cues and they let the conversation fly. That’s great, but I have to have that internal conversation with an imaginary customer, with a very real client and try to foresee how they’re going to react to my questions.

So structure for me. It’s key. Flow is key, but also flexibility. It’s key. 

Elvia de la Garza: Yes, absolutely. Flexibility. It really is everything. Mm-hmm. You can have the perfect well structured guide, but you know, sometimes the real magic happens. When they say something that is not even there and a door is open and it’s completely new material, unexpected.

It’s unexpected. Mm-hmm. And as moderators, we have to be flexible and say there might be something there.

Edgardo de la Garza: Let’s chase it. 

Elvia de la Garza: Let’s chase it. And we go there and if there’s something important, we stay there. And if not,

Edgardo de la Garza: we move on.

Elvia de la Garza: We’ve gone back to the guide. Yep.

That’s when the job feels like we’re listening with our entire body, not just with our ears.

Exactly. Because we’re not just. Probing for content. We are listening for possibility. And sometimes the best thing we can do is throw the guide out the window for five minutes and adjust to what participants saying. Let them see if that leads us somewhere. 

Edgardo de la Garza: Yes. 

Elvia de la Garza: And like I said, if not, we come back, but it’s, it is listening.

Edgardo de la Garza: There’s, there’s like. Listening and then there’s real listening.

When someone shares something that is so vulnerable and you don’t rush the next question, you let it sit there, you let it simmer and see where it leads. 

Elvia de la Garza: Very often the insight lives in that path in something that was almost not expressed.

In that moment when someone is not sure to share. A thought.

Edgardo de la Garza: And then they do.

Elvia de la Garza: And then they do. And that’s when magic happens. 

Edgardo de la Garza: Mm-hmm. And that’s gold and that’s why we’re here for, but we can only get there if they trust us. 

Elvia de la Garza: Absolutely. And that trust doesn’t come from how smart you sound or how beautiful is the guide. It really comes from connecting with them. F rom being present. Mm-hmm. Uh, you know, from not checking your watch or the clock to see where you are at is really to be in the moment listening. Really listening 

Edgardo de la Garza: and giving the space and the time. 

Elvia de la Garza: Yes. And making them really. Making them feel the most important person in the room. As a matter of fact, the ma the most important person in the world. That, and, and that’s how many feel. 

Edgardo de la Garza: At that moment. Mm-hmm. Is it is our consumer, it’s our participant. You know, sometimes I feel like moderating. It’s a lot like method acting.

You can show up. And ask questions, but you have to become the person. You have to become the client. You have to become the brand, all of it at once. You have to step into your consumer’s shoes, feel what they feel, see the things they see, but at the same time, you are holding your client’s objectives close to you in your back pocket because you have a business goal to achieve. And you know, we need to balance those things while, while you’re sitting at a focus room table or in somebody’s living room.

And you know, that’s where we add value to our clients. That’s where 20 years of doing this brings to the table that ability to shift perspectives constantly and seamlessly so that we really get into the inside space.

It’s not performance, it is presence.

Now, sometimes it gets messy.

Elvia de la Garza: Absolutely.

Edgardo de la Garza: ‘Cause you can have one person derailing the conversation. Some other one is steering the pod or. Passing judgment on their fellow participants.

And that’s what the emotional intelligence comes in.

You don’t want to shut them down. You want to guide them gently, respectfully, and sometimes with humor, 

Elvia de la Garza: I mean, it really is like a symphony, right? Mm-hmm. I mean, you need to feel the room tempo, follow it. And if someone goes to a tangent, um, you follow. Um, you explore and you decide, you make the executive decision there and as a moderator to continue perhaps going in a, something that was unscripted, something that was not, uh, in the guide or to hold back back and bring them back.

Edgardo de la Garza: And when someone gets too heavy or too personal, you honor it. You hold the space, but you also help them land. You don’t let them hang out in that vulnerability by themselves. 

Elvia de la Garza: Definitely. Definitely. And, and I mean, we all know that some participants get carried away. 

Mm-hmm. 

They are enthusiastic, they are eager to share, and we love that.

Edgardo de la Garza: Oh, we love passionate consumer.

Elvia de la Garza: We love a passionate consumer. But we need to somehow control the, the group so that we hear from everyone. Mm-hmm. And we stay on topic. And like you said, doing it gently, respectfully and still letting them feel always heard.

Edgardo de la Garza: I remember a session where we were talking about medical experiences and someone started very passionately recommending some home remedies and had to step in and say, all right folks, none of us are doctors here.

And while we respect. Your recommendation we’re here, sharing experiences, not prescriptions. So that gave the participant a dignity, but also in a humorous way to diffuse the situation and acknowledge their voice, but also not letting them dominate. 

Elvia de la Garza: Yes. I mean, it, it is really a, a delicate dance. You want those passionate participants to share their thoughts and, and often they are the ones that care the most, uh, they are engaged. So having them in the room, it, it is a gift, but you have to make sure that their enthusiasm doesn’t overshadow everyone else. Mm-hmm. Because you know, at the end of the day, you get the insights not from the loudest people, but from. All of the people.

Edgardo de la Garza: Absolutely.

Elvia de la Garza: Um, I often, eh, occur to humor as well.

Uh, and you know, when they are, they hang, hang on another specific subject or a specific home remedy or whatever thing, uh, they’re talking about. I, I tend to say, well, that’s a subject for another focus group. Mm-hmm. And you know, you need to gently bring them back and stay focused both or move them forward.

Yes. Move them fo forward and especially. Respectfully. Yeah. So that they keep on sharing ’cause you do wanna hear from them. 

Edgardo de la Garza: Absolutely. Absolutely. You’re welcoming someone into a space where their voice matters. Where there’s no interruption when all eyes are on them, when somebody wants to be there and have something to say.

Elvia de la Garza: And let’s be honest, I mean, to many participants and sometimes to most participants, that’s a rare space. They don’t get that opportunity to express their feelings. Mm-hmm. And their thoughts in such, that’s very powerful.

Edgardo de la Garza: It’s very powerful.

Elvia de la Garza: Especially, I mean, we very often talk to marginalized communities or underserved communities that they’ve never really, uh, been asked. So it is a very precious moment for them, and we need to honor it and respect it. Mm-hmm. 

Edgardo de la Garza: Yes, we’re privileged to hear a lot of those stories with communities that they’re not often listened to. They’re not often heard, but every person you see across from a table has. Story has a scar and perhaps a hope that maybe they’re holding and they’re not even aware that they’re holding.

And when you, as a moderator can tap into that, not in a man a manipulative way, but in a honest human way, when someone connects emotionally with you, that’s. Fantastic. That’s when the magic happens. That’s when you feel that you’re, you feel that you have achieved a level of connection in your chest. So that’s what I call the moderators high.

That moment when the group ends and you feel it in your bones that you have something good, that’s when you have. You have progress that matters for you and for your client. That’s when you walk out of the focus room feeling dull and feeling that you’ve got somewhere today. 

Elvia de la Garza: Exactly. That is the moment we chase in every session, in every project.

That is the moment we chase and we, when we get there. We feel it in our gut. Uh, you know, we, we realize that we are in the, uh, witnessing something meaningful and we feel it. The clients feel it. The participants feel.

Edgardo de la Garza: Participants feel it.

Elvia de la Garza: It’s an amazing energy. 

Edgardo de la Garza: Yes, it’s definitely a moderator’s high. And honestly, I think because we chase that feeling and because we find it session after session, that we have been able to win so many awards over the years.

Both local and national awards. Industry recognition, agency honors and those awards are great, but they’re a byproduct. The real win is when we build the reputation for showing up, fully. For doing research that actually means something and brings wins to our clients. That drives impact not just for the brand for but for the people that we listen to.

And sometimes when we get really lucky, you wrap up a session, you walk into the back room and your client just starts clapping like a legit round of applause. 

Elvia de la Garza: No, definitely. I love those moments. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve gotten a few of those and who knew? Moderation could give you a standing ovation. 

Edgardo de la Garza: Yeah, you get ’em all the time.

You know, usually I just get a nod and a little, you know, let’s go get a drink and have dinner. But you get those all the time.

Elvia de la Garza: You are being modest. 

Edgardo de la Garza: Recently, actually, right after a session, a client took me to the side and say. What you do is a work of art. That was incredible. 

Elvia de la Garza: Oh, that is beautiful. That’s a, the greatest compliment you can get. Mm-hmm. 

Edgardo de la Garza: Absolutely. Totally caught me off guard because we are so deep into the conversation and redirecting and looking for insights that sometimes we forget that this happens right in front of the client’s eyes, that somebody is watching from behind that mirror.

And it is a performance, like I said. Not because of ego. It’s a performance with a purpose. 

Elvia de la Garza: Totally, absolutely. It is a craft, and when the client recognizes that it’s such a gift, such a privilege, and because it’s it’s really validating all the effort that went into that session, all the preparation before the session, and then during the session and, and it’s just a, a wonderful full circle.

Edgardo de la Garza: Oh, it’s humbling every time, and it’s a great reminder that our works matter. We always tell our clients that there’s a lot of firms that do what we do, but none of it that does it the way we do it. Because for us, it’s not about finishing the guides, it’s about finding that moment that matters the truth underneath the surface.

Elvia de la Garza: Absolutely. Well, that’s a wrap for today. Thank you so much for listening and for letting us share what we believe make this work so special. 

Edgardo de la Garza: We’ll see you next time and until then, thank you from your friends at DLG Research, 

Elvia de la Garza: Insightful research, 

Edgardo de la Garza: Actionable results.